At some point in your life your parents may have told you that you could be anything you wanted to be when you grew up. I disagree with your mom about that shirt looking nice on you and I disagree with your dad about the Army turning you into a real man. I also disagree with the idea that people can be whatever they want to be when they grow up. I am including myself in this. Believe it or not I too am restricted by certain limitations of character. For instance - I could never be a judge (at least in America). I find it impossible to be fair and impartial and I definitely believe in Texas justice. I think if someone brings a gun into a high school basketball game - the cops should shoot him... dead... like right in his head... many times. Then he is no longer a problem. Get it? That would be my sentence for everything. "What's that, Pacman? You're innocent? Bailiff, shoot this guy in the head."
I have also recently discovered that I am not and could never be - a movie critic. My love for all things cheesy and stupid prohibits me from making rational decisions on how many thumbs (or middle fingers) to give a movie.
For instance - Tombstone - 1 thumb up
Tombstone with Zombies - 2 thumbs up
I cannot expect everyone to take my advice when no one really shares my taste (I still think the Steve Earle song Copperhead Road is awesome - are you ready to go out and buy an album if I told you to?).
However, if you ever take any advice from me - take it on the two best movies of the past year.
1. Gonzo
2. Man on Wire
Let me preface my explanation by saying this - I love documentaries. I rarely read fiction books that aren't written by Chuck Palahniuk. I always read non-fiction books (even the one non-fiction book written by Chuck Palahniuk). I guess I would just prefer to hear a story that actually happened than be forced to use my imagination. Documentaries are some of the only movies that would not benefit from the addition of zombies. If you don't like documentaries, it stands to reason that you may not like these movies either. It also stands to reason that you are a product of an incestuous relationship between your mother and her first cousin. Use your third hand to slap yourself, you freak.
Gonzo:
If you are not entertained by the life of Hunter Thompson check for a pulse... seriously.. I'll wait... find it? Ok, good. Now cut across it with a big sharp knife. No, no put the phone down. Don't call anyone for help. It will all be over soon.
Man on Wire :
No - not the one with Denzel.
This one actually surprised me a little. I didn't really know if I would like it. It is a documentary about a French tightrope walker named Philippe Petit. Are you interested yet? Here is the catch - He walked a tightrope that was strung between the Twin Towers of the World Trade Center. Read that again - HE WALKED A TIGHTROPE THAT WAS STRUNG BETWEEN THE TWIN TOWERS OF THE WORLD TRADE CENTER. And not like halfway up either. At the freaking top of the WTC towers!
He was of arrested for the stunt and had to perform some community service. This is only worth mentioning because the documentary shows his arrest report in which he was listed as 5'8" and 135 ponds. I have to assume his testicles were at least 100 pounds of that. While explaining what it was like to walk on a rope between the WTC towers he said the following in a goofy French accent:
"And as I was sitting there I did something people cannot believe. I looked down to see something I would never be able to see again."
He sat down... in the middle of a wire... and looked down 110 stories.
Now this story is about more than a man dragging his enormous steel testicles across a rope that happens to be really high up. Listening to Petit and the team of people that helped him describe the preparation and execution of this stunt is truthfully better than any motivational speaker. The entire stunt was illegal and he had no permission from anyone to attempt it. He literally had to rig the whole thing under the radar and without being noticed by anyone until he was actually on the wire.
At one point Jean-Louis Blondeau (Petit's main counterpart) describes the preparation and the frustration that went along with it but makes one resoundingly clear statement in, "It is not impossible. We are this close. If you want something bad enough, impossible is nothing."
I know, I saw the No Fear shirts that said that too. But this isn't a marketing strategy. This is a group of people that really wanted to do something that is seemingly impossible and accomplished it.
Despite giving me feelings of an unaccomplished life, the movie is really incredible. The pictures and video of Petit crossing the wire (a total of 8 times while taunting police that were standing on top of the towers waiting to arrest him), sitting on the wire and even laying down on the wire are astounding. Even more astounding than this. And before I saw this movie I thought nothing would ever be more astounding than the size of that woman's legs.
Do yourself a favor and watch these two movies. Your choices are basically either that or a Judd Apatow movie. Seems obvious doesn't it?
No comments:
Post a Comment